"So," the doctor continues, "hot, salty, liquid foods are going to hurt. Cold, sweet, soft foods are going to feel better. Ice cream, yogurt, pudding are all your friend." I honestly have not heard this particular perspiration before, either, but, the doctor seemed to know what he was talking about and who am I to argue with "ice cream."
As we are leaving the office, kc says, "We should go get gelato. That's pretty much what the doctor ordered." She has been pining over this new gelato bar that opened up a few towns down the road ever since the first time we went.
"Um, I'm pretty sure this little virus does not justify a twenty minute car ride for gelato. How about we go over to the market, they sell gelato in the deli, it's not as good, but it will pass." I know, this sounds very indulging, but I have a secret love of tending to not-very-sick kids. I mean, when they're super sick it is no fun for anyone. But, when they are just a little sick; low-grade fever, sorta-sore throat, general malaise, they are cute and cuddly and sweet to be with. So, ice cream is okay by me.
"Alright," she says. "Let's go."
"Okay, and it's not like grocery shopping, we'll just be in the deli, right? We aren't going to buy anything through the checkout or get any grocery items. Just gelato. and maybe some sushi." I say, all my rationale lined up pretty, in a row.
"Sushi? Um, I don't eat fish, Mom."
"Hey, they have veggie sushi. It's been a long since I've actually forgotten about any of you guys being vegetarian." That really happened, months into KC's choice not to eat meat I brought her a steak quesadilla from our favorite fresh-mex grill as a thank you for looking after her younger siblings while we were gone. "Thanks, Mom," she said in a genuinely grateful tone. "But, I haven't eaten meat in a while, remember." I did as she said it, and you can tell, I've never lived that one down. Also, I once offered a berry shake, to my kid who doesn't eat sugar, in payment for weeding the garden. Bad mom.
As the automatic double doors open, I am overwhelmed by seasonal smells. I say, "KC, do you realize, this is like bringing me into a den of iniquity. I don't know of I can do this," as I gently pick up the bag of cinnamon scented pine cones greeting me at the store's entrance. I take a deep whiff, lovingly set them down and walk away from the display.
KC laughs, "it's just gelato, Mom." She reassures. She is one of my trusted advisors, so I trust her and proceed. Anyway, this was my idea.
As we approach the deli counter she spots a sign, "Tater Babies - $0.99/lb."
"Um, I might need tater babies, instead of sushi. I mean, neither is really what the doctor ordered, but soft and warm is different than liquid and hot, right?"
"KC, I feel I'm on the edge of a slippery slope, now, and I'm not sure what is going to happen."
"May I help you?" asks the helpful employee behind the counter.
"We'd like a pound of tater babies," I say as he immediately starts scooping them into a deli bag for us. "And, then, she'd like some gelato."
"Oh, we're out of gelato. Sorry about that."
"What? For real?" I ask looking over at the empty chilled gelato tins.
"Well, is your soft-serve working?" KC asks.
"Nope, that machine is down."
WHAT? She and I look at each other. This is a moment of truth. I do not pass. My life is built on grocery store lies!
"That's fine, we'll just go choose something over in the freezer case."
KC doesn't spare a second thought. She offers no, "Are you sure, Mom? We said we weren't going to buy groceries for 40 days, and it's only been 23." She just turns traitor and walks away before I could talk myself out of it. So much for my accountability to the one person who can spot hypocrisy in the smallest justification.
I figured, while I'm here, may as well get my sushi and a deli diet coke, too. I don't know how far this slippery slope goes, but I'm enjoying the ride. As I step up to the checkout stand, the self-checkout-you-have-groceries stand, I spot kc down the freezer aisle, choosing her ice cream. I innocently think, "I should just go see what she's going to get...," when my phone rings.
It is one of my Most Trusted Advisers, my little sister, Katie.
"Katie! You've caught me in the act!"
"What?" she says in great surprise. "Are you in the grocery store?"
I feel myself flushing. My breath is a bit short. I am totally caught and I panic. I might faint, and then I remember. It's just Katie. She's nine months pregnant, and if there is anyone in this world who is going to understand my ice cream purchase, it is her. This is fate. Any one of my other Advisors could have caught me in this moment and talked me down from the ledge, but they didn't. I am safe with Katie. I trust her.
"Yes. Yes I'm at the store,. Really, it was just supposed to be a trip to the deli. Out on doctor's orders. But, now kc is getting ice cream from the frozen desserts section and I just think I might go join her and choose one of my own."
"Is KC sick?" She asks.
"Yes." i confirm. one word answers are better at this point.
"And the doctor told her to eat ice cream?" she asks.
"Yes," again.
"Then, it's medicinal. Your fine. This is a good cause for being at the grocery store." She says it with such confidence that I am immediately reassured.
"But, if you go get your own ice cream, you've crossed the line. Don't do it. Just wait for her to come to you."
"Okay," I say obediently. "Thanks for calling. She's coming and I've gotta buy this stuff and get the heck out of here. I love you."
"Love you, too. Dont buy any more ice cream. You can do this." She hangs up.
We check out, leave the store, get home.
"KC, you need to give me your ice cream for a second so I can take a picture of it. It's evidence."
"And, the tater babies and the sushi, too?" she asks, seeing some inconsistency in my isolation of the offending item.
"No way! Those are not groceries. Those are just lunch."
"Ah, I see," she says, integrity intact after the legitimacy of the ice cream was sanctioned by sweet Aunt Katie. "I was just wondering."
So, there you have it. Lying, cheating, justifying, rationalizing, and everything else, short of stealing. Oh well. If your sick, you've got to follow doctors orders . And, ice cream? It's medicinal.
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